“How do I get my fiancé to be involved in wedding planning?”
Ha! Good luck with that one, girl.
You’re on your own there.
Buh-byeeee!
Just kidding, just kidding!!!
True, it’s not the easiest question to answer but you’ve come to the right place!
You know, back in the day gender roles were very clearly defined, for better or for worse.
The man was to be the breadwinner, working from dawn to dusk and the woman was to stay behind, tend to the home and cater to the man’s every wish.
As head of the household, the man was in charge of all the decisions but it was unthinkable for a man to help with the housework.
Oh, no. That was the woman’s domain.
I’m sure you’ve seen the “Good House Wife’s Guide” from 1955 float around on social media before.
One of my favorite “tips” is
“You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first — remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.”
Hahaha, what?! “Yeah, THAT’S gonna be a “No” for me dawg”
| Side note: My hubs and I have been watching Mad Men on Netflix. You really get a feel for the different gender roles of the 50s and 60s when women were just beginning to push into jobs “typically held by men”…or any jobs for that matter. |
Luckily, times have changed. And without getting too political, I think it’s fair to say that awareness of gender inequality is becoming more widespread.
So there’s really no reason we can think of why your fiancé shouldn’t help with wedding planning, no matter what their gender.
But we know all too well that that’s easier said than done.
Does this sound familiar at all?
Ladies, I hate to break it to y’all, but we tend to ask for our sweetheart’s opinion, then completely ignore it and do the exact opposite. Tell me if I’m wrong here.
If you’ve read our team intro about our own weddings, you know that out of the three guys on the team, two had very similar experiences and I’m pretty sure my husband would tell you the same thing.
Yet, we claim we really want their input.
Well, unfortunately, this internal conflict of wanting their input but not really listening to a word they say, is not very easy to understand for our sweet cavemen fiancés.
For the most part, things are a little more black and white to them:
Need a home? “I will build a hut.”
Hungry? “I will hunt a deer.”
You ask my opinion? “I will make a decision. “
Guess it takes them a little bit longer to adjust to modern times. 🤷
But, I promised you that you aren’t alone in wondering how you get your fiancé (more) involved in wedding planning.
So, we prepared this foolproof 7-step strategy for you!
7 Step-by-Step Ways to Get Your Fiancé Involved in Wedding Planning
- Communicate that doing this together is important to you
- Figure out what it is that keeps him from wanting to help
- Approach it in small steps
- Actually value his input
- Give him a specific project that’s his
- Play to his strengths
- Believe what he tells you
1. Communicate that doing this together is important to you
You’ve probably dreamed about your perfect wedding since you were little or at least have a fairly clear vision of what you expect of the day.
- There’s a certain dress you’ve had your eye on.
- You have a Pinterest board dedicated to the perfect color combination.
- And you’ve kept mental notes at all of your friend’s weddings about the things that you do and do not want to have at yours.
- Etc…
Your fiancé?
They probably know the basics.
- Uhm, there’s a dress
- some rings are involved
- and then a big party!
- Oh yeah, and make sure there’s plenty of beer.
- End of list.
Straight up: They may think that you just want to have it your way. Basically, they just do not know that it’s important to you that they are involved.
TELL.THEM.
It’s really as simple as that. There’s no magic here.
Just tell them that you love them and care about their opinion and would like for the two of you to do this together.
Now they know but are still hesitant to jump in and compare vendors, sample fabrics, and they get that glazed over look in their eyes when you pull out your wedding planning binder.
2. Figure out what it is that keeps them from wanting to help
You’ve told your fiancé that you would like for them to be involved in the wedding planning process and they do sit down with you in the evening to go over the checklist.
Yet somehow they are there physically but their mind seems to be in the clouds.
Their eyes are unfocused, their face is a bit pale, and they make sure to always have their phone within reach.
That’s not really what you meant when you said you want them to be there spending some quality time with you during the wedding planning process.
Guess what! We have an idea for this as well and believe me, this strategy will blow you away.
Ready??
You…
…ask them what’s keeping them from diving into the wedding planning with you!
Woah. Mind. Blown.
Don’t assume you know why they’re avoiding being a part of the process.
It may be that they are uncomfortable with spending that much money or the choices that you’ve already made.
| Pro tip: If the budget is stressing them out, show them this post about how much to spend on each aspect of the wedding. |
Or it may simply be that they have not spent as much time thinking about all this stuff as you have.
Sweetheart, A-line, eggshell, chiffon, cummerbund… all of this means NOTHING to them. You might as well be speaking Chinese.
There’s a simple fix though, which leads us to the next step in our strategy.
3. Approach it in small steps
This one is fairly self-explanatory.
Whatever the reason behind your fiancé feeling overwhelmed, break it down into small, easy to understand steps.
As an example, you could schedule weekly meetings for the two of you that have a set topic that you want to discuss.
Most importantly, keep the time limit short and stick to it.
That way they know what you expect and that after a focused 30-minute wedding planning sesh they can go back to doing their own thing.
But beware!
Make sure the time slot doesn’t fall on a day when their favorite TV show is on or when they typically hit the gym.
Also, don’t schedule your mini-meeting too early or too late in the day.
As an added bonus, make it a wedding diet cheat night and you reward yourselves with your favorite take-out or order a cheesy, greasy pizza.
Make sure the fridge is stocked with your favorite drinks and the pantry is packed with snacks!
4. Actually value their input
Remember how I mentioned earlier that we ladies tend to ask for our beau’s opinion only to completely disregard it?
That’s definitely not the way to go if you want them to be and/or stay involved in wedding planning.
Make sure that you actually value their opinion.
That doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to do everything their way either, though.
It’s about letting them voice their thoughts and finding something that works for both of you.
It’s about finding a compromise.
Believe me, wedding planning is only the beginning.
Once you’re married there will be A LOT of opportunities for you to compromise. You can consider this somewhat of a practice run!
Go ahead and bookmark the “Wheel of Dinner”. You can edit the choices to fit you and your fiancé’s needs. It’s going to be a lifesaver!
But maybe this is all way too much to them. Regularly scheduled meetings, planning binder, yuck! Totally stresses them out more than anything else.
If so, don’t worry. You’re not ready to give up quite yet.
5. Give them a specific project that’s theirs
Step 5 and 6 go hand in hand.
The idea is that instead of being involved in every single decision you have to make before the wedding day, you two choose ONE project that they can take off your plate and completely rule over by themselves.
This could be the entertainment or the food, for example.
If that seems like a lot of work to them still, they could be in charge of putting together an after-party.
Pretty much whatever floats their boat.
Remember, the idea is to get them involved, to get them pumped up for the wedding and not to stress them out and detach further.
Who knows?! Maybe they will enjoy working on it and putting it together so much that they will want to take on even more aspects.
Then it’s up to you how many things you’re willing to let go of.
6. Play to their strengths
It doesn’t really matter if you apply this step to only the one project that your fiancé is in charge of or the entire planning process.
Playing to their strengths means that you find what interests them and what they are good at and use that to get them involved.
Is your fiancé known for throwing awesome parties?
Let them take the lead on planning the entertainment or after-party.
Is your fiancé a bit of a nerd?
You could incorporate his favorite universe as a wedding theme or use a videogame score as ceremony music.
Is your fiancé really good at building stuff?
Why not let him build an arbor for the ceremony or create a keepsake that your guests can sign as they arrive at the reception.
Find people that play at what you work at, so you can play at what you play at.
At WedTexts, it’s part of our core values to find the right people for the job to make everyone’s load lighter.
Kind of makes sense, doesn’t it?
“If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
Albert Einstein
Don’t make your fiancé think they’re a stupid fish for not being able to plan a wedding.
7. Believe what they tell you
Ultimately, if they say they want you to have the wedding day of your dreams and that they are happy with anything that you choose…
BELIEVE THEM.
It may be hard to give up on the idea of planning the wedding together but nagging them to help when it’s all the same to them is so much worse.
In my relationship, I’ve coined the term “positively indifferent”.
It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that either one of the choices is equally fine to me.
I am happy either way. Truly.
Good marriages are based on trust.
Well then. Do it. Trust them when they say something.
Leave it as an open invitation that they are welcome to give their input at any point and enjoy having that much freedom to completely design the day to your liking.
I’d be lying if I said that’s an exciting thought.
But, just imagine your fiancé had an opinion on every…single…thing.
That would be annoying, too, wouldn’t it?
(Yes, it would.)
So enjoy not having to compromise on all the little things!
Like I said earlier, there will be plenty of time to compromise down the road.
If you follow this step-by-step guide to getting your fiancé more involved in your wedding planning; you’ll get your fiancé more involved in your wedding planning.
I guarantee it.
Worried that you’re not sure what to do next?
Lucky for you, you’ve already come to the right place to find help with all things wedding planning.
WedTexts not only offers an awesome product that helps make wedding communication a breeze and totally enhances the experience for your guests.
We also focus on being your go-to resource during the wedding planning process.
Need ideas for your reception? We got ‘em.
Worried about the weather on your wedding day? No need.
Want the best tools for your wedding planning without doing hours of research? Bookmark this page.
I may be a tad biased, but we’re the cat’s meow in the wedding industry.
Go ahead, give the app a try. It’s free!
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